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Hummus News: Muslims Finally Condemn Ebola, Expert Not Fooled


By Yahya Ridwan, The Hummus News

Sparked by a reddit debate that ignited yesterday, the official spokesperson of Islam and its 1.5 billion adherents throughout the world delivered remarks from an open letter condemning Ebola.

“Dear Non-Muslims,

The current Ebola outbreak is a tragedy. We mourn with the non-Muslims of the world. Although we share some of the same DNA base pairs as Ebola, it does not represent our belief system as multi-base-pair DNA organisms.

We condemn the infection of host cells and the release of misinterpreted genetic instruction. It is a strict misrepresentation of who we are as people and the way that we are genetically programmed.

Mahmoud Bin Lamba

Official Spokesman of Islam”

This comes as a response to a sophisticated new interactive poll suggesting that a majority of Muslims are in favor of infectious diseases such as the Ebola virus.


Sam Harris, organism terrorism expert, explained on “Real Time with Bill Maher”:

“Imagine three concentric circles: the inner most circle contains your Ebola virus and Human Immunodeficiency virus. The circle around that is your Muslimicists, Muslims who want to infect and use democracy against itself. These two circles alone constitute about 30% of Muslims. The outer most circle represents the fringe non-infecting Muslims. We have to be able to criticize bad genetic material, and Islam is the mother lode of bad genetic material.“

Harris seemed unconvinced by appeals to Ebola to cease its un-Islamic behavior from Muslim scholars across the word in their Open Letter to Ebola.

Harris says the majority of Muslims do not understand their Islamic imperatives, such as the pilgrimage to Mecca and spreading Ebola in Liberia.

Read the entire article…

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  • Amie

    LOL, have you noticed how Muslims nowadays are expected to condemn everything. And I mean everything! Somehow condemning Ebola is of extreme importance to some people, as if it is Muslim caused 🙂

  • Morrigan Nic Cormac

    Dear Muslims,

    I am very saddened to hear that our multiple offers of friendship have been rejected, and by the Pope of Islamia Himself! Whether you realize it or not we are natural partners in the struggle against Western (and African) decadence. We had originally planned to wipe out the rest of the human race so you guys could sweep in and establish the Caliphate (notice how we haven’t killed any Muslims yet? That isn’t an accident). But given your stubborn intransigence and possible co-option by Western powers we feel an alliance between us may not be in our best interests at this time.

    We are now putting out feelers to Israel and the CIA to see what kind of deal we can work out, but remember we came to you first.

    Thank you for your consideration,

    –Team Ebola

  • Tanveer ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Khan

    Oh yeah, I remember that. No, I wasn’t added by anybody.

  • Seeker

    It is but simple young Paladin. One shall find that which one seeks.

    Have found you also btw. Was a long time ago. Did Sir David add you ?

  • Tanveer ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Khan

    Teach me your skills, Jedi Master.

  • The greenmantle

    Well I dont delete your posts I just post here . I would just like to understand why you post here ?
    I have a few ideas . Want to hear them ? Well I am going to tell you anyway .
    a) You are Salman Rushdie thus your views on Hadith etc and defence of the same .
    b) You get some sort of sadistic pleasure from getting your but kicked
    c) You dont get out much
    d) You work for Unit 8200

    e) all of the above

    Toodle pip

    Sir David

  • The greenmantle

    Sir David

  • Mehdi

    Good job 🙂

  • Seeker

    Think I’ve found you on FB. Check the ‘other’ folder for messages.

  • The greenmantle

    Sir David

  • Jekyll

    or sooner.

  • Jekyll


  • The greenmantle


    Sir David

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