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The Threat of Islamist Plumbing: Handheld Bidets Coming to a Public Toilet Near You!

Islamist plumbing

By Emperor

The Islamic transformation of America is near complete: all that is left is for the handheld bidets to be installed. That’s according to one of Fox News’ best anti-Islamist defender’s of Judeo-Christian civilization reporters, Todd Starnes.

A story about a Wichita, Kansas university chapel that removed its pews, (a move interpreted by one Christian student as a sinister Muslim plot conceived and led by a bunch of dhimmi Christians no less), led Starnes to pen the greatest article ever to save Judeo-Christian Western civilization AND at the same time save Americans the time and effort of cleaning their ass.

Starnes, expertly placed the Christian led move to remove the chapel’s pews in the broader context of that most pressing issue: the politically correct marginalization of Christianity and the march to inevitable and complete Islamization.

Starnes, writes warning us all of the impending future,

Muslims students have presented a petition calling for the university to install Islamic-friendly plumbing. They want handheld bidets installed in restrooms around campus.

This is what the Islamic transformation of a nation founded on Judeo-Christian values looks like, folks. The Christian faith is marginalized while the Islamic faith is given accommodation.

An abomination. Are Americans now going to be required to clean their butts? Sorry to be so crass here but what happened to the Constitutional right to walk around with dingleberries in your draws?

This is a rallying cry, we must take action against bidets and other forms of Islamist plumbing! Call your senator or local rep., start a petition! Also, don’t forget to thank that modern-day Charlemagne, Todd Starnes, who by the way also wants you to know that he wrote a book,

I documented this phenomenon in my latest book, “God Less America.” Check out the chapter titled, “One Nation Under Allah.”

These are critical times, even some of Fox News’ readers have had the wool pulled over their eyes. Commenter, Rufus Callahan even had the gall to claim, “i mean…handheld bidets would be nice…”


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  • Marinater

    maybe..all that shit in the air went to their brains?


  • HSkol

    The air quality would certainly better around bigots at that point; however, it might be more difficult to sniff them out at that point. (Gross.)

  • HSkol

    Fine, I shall be solemn and bland from here forward.

  • HSkol

    Wait … a genuine compliment? Hold on a second, I’ve got to mark my calendar ……………………………………. All done.

  • Friend of Bosnia

    Oh yes, this will also work quite well.

  • HSkol

    Uh … yeah … she did say “starting”. Duh.




    gerund or present participle: starting


    come into being; begin or be reckoned from a particular point in time or space.

    “the season starts in September”

    synonyms:begin, commence, get underway, go ahead, get going …

  • The Radiant Princess Erika


  • Sam Seed


  • cmyfe .

    So they are saying that “Judeo-Christian Western civilization” = $hitty @r$e?

  • Yakoub Islam

    Todd Starnes is spot on – or is he bot on? The hand-helds at Leeds mosque are so high pressure, you could use ’em for colonic irrigation. Muslim AND hippy. I tell you, those Southern boys and girls ought to be running in fear of their lives!

  • The greenmantle

    Sir David

  • Reynardine

    Teapots?…I’ll never trust mine again!

  • Reynardine

    Don’t be assinine. You’re starting to sound downright crotchety.

  • Reynardine

    Santa Claus is just a Christian superimposition on a Jack Frost/ Old Man Winter personification of the cold season. The lights, the Yule log, the tree, the wreaths and mistletoe, the New Year’s vigil — all… ancient Solstice celebrations. No one knows when Jesus was born, though I believe a supernova was visible by day in 4 BC.

  • Reynardine

    I daresay I’d not trust a public bidet, because you wouldn’t know who else had taken it and stuffed it right up their… Anyway, I think I’d rather see a separate dispenser for wetwipes.

  • Reynardine

    Sir Potter took a crappie
    And filled it to the bream.

    (N.B.: For non fisherfolk, the same speckled sunfish is called a crappie in the U.S. North and a bream in the U.S. South)

  • Marinater

    You guys saw it first here on Loonwatch. The next arms race will involve Mecha-Robots

  • Yausari

    Yep, best cyberpunk movie to me.

  • Yausari

    send him back to another-realm

  • Ilisha

    I loved Demolition Man. :)

  • Yausari

    Tell them we figured out how to use the three seashells… and that we’re more advanced.

  • Ali
  • HSkol

    I could certainly see how the Handy Dandy Handled Bidet tm might be used for a multitude of purposes.

  • Laurent Weppe

    Well, there was that arabic traveller who during the middle age was weirded out when he discovered that the Tang Chinese used toilet paper (instead of water like his compatriots) when cleaning themselves. If you squint reeeeeeeeeeeeeally hard, you may see bidets as a somewhat islamish thingy

  • Laurent Weppe

    The version where not cleaning oneself after taking a shit is viewed as virtuous and ritually clean, apparently

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